I'm a People

It’s really odd.

I feel like such a late bloomer these days. Whenever I stumble across some great revelation about what I want to do with life, I get the impression that everyone else has known this stuff for ages.

You know those interviews with really successful people, and the first thing they say is “Don’t hold back, just get out there and do it”?

I reckon I’m a complete dullard sometimes. I would look at those interviews, listen to those words and think, “Yeah… that’s good advice. But that doesn’t really apply to me.”

But it does.

I mean, there have been plenty of times when I’ve remarked to someone how I’d really like to do [thing] with my life, and they’ve asked me why I don’t.

And I’d answer with various excuses, citing bills, rent/mortgage, job etc.

But now I look back, and realise that these were all excuses. And, by equal measure, I think these people who ask me “Why don’t you?” were really trying to prompt me into actually doing something... but I was too daft to see it.

I was like a kid who wanted a cookie, and when the parent asked me why I don’t simply take one, I’d think of a reason not to.

How daft is that?

I watch these documentaries about famous film-makers and what they do when making movies. They talk about their stuff like it’s everyday hum-drum. I sit and watch it and think “wow, they’re exceptional people” and I’ll have this feeling that being like them is something way out of reach – like some fantasy world.

They have money. They have backing.

Yes, they’re exceptional people.

But they’re people. Like me.

I’m a people too.

I’m sure that Peter Jackson had to take his initial step into film-making to get where he is now. Hell, I’ve seen Bad Taste. If he can make epic movies after that [piece of] “movie”, then hope is not lost for my first piece, “Scribblings on a Napkin” – working title (which is more representative of the medium rather than the content).

I am 28 years old. I realise this NOW? It seems that everyone else has known this crap for years!

I should’ve just taken the fuckin’ cookie.

What Old Yeller taught me

Apparently there is much controversy over this article. Frankly, I don’t see why. It’s a light hearted article, and it doesn’t subscribe to this idea that all males are knuckle-dragging imbeciles who should be kept in cages.

In fact, I can say that I tried to use this technique with my partner some time ago.

Recognising that she is a free spirited young woman, I knew that there were things that would come naturally to her, and others that would not. She is a social creature, so socialising comes easy to her, however giving specific attention does not.

She also has bouts of rage – a result of her passion.

During phases in where she yells endlessly about some small chore not being done because she sits on the couch, I stare at her blankly.

However, if she shows me attention, I respond in kind.

If she gets into trouble whilst being out and social, I do nothing. Neither reward nor chastise. I simply sit and stare blankly.

However, I applaud when she shows some thoughtfulness and considers me for a change.

When she sneaks out to be with her new boyfriend, yet still yells at me for intruding on her personal space, I do nothing.

When she abuses me when I come within five feet of her, as I am mopping that part of the floor, despite the fact that she is writing love notes to her boyfriend, I don’t reward that behaviour either.

When she blames me for all her shortcomings and her unfulfilled life, I say squat.

However, when gets the hell out of my life, I applaud her. God knows it was hard for her to “make” that decision.

I think even the most hardened animal trainer would acknowledge that some animals simply don’t want to be trained.

The animal kingdom is large and diverse.

Re: Cancelation of Subscription

Dear Sir/Madam

I would like to cancel my subscription to your catalogue of insights relating to life. It’s not that I haven’t been entertained by your material, it’s just I feel that there is no substance to the philosophies.

I am not an educated man. I lack the piece of paper which qualifies me as an expert in an area, which is my own fault for not applying myself. I realize that this has hence condemned me to life as a Jack of all trades.

With so many different (and contradictory) philosophies on life, I cannot help but wonder whether anything is offered with genuineness, or whether it is said to sound cool.

Those who say “Live life in the moment, and enjoy it while you can” are those I find who are worried about finances, relationships and the future in general.

“Look at the bigger picture” are those I find are impulsive, erratic and unpredictable.

“I tell it like it is. People should be honest” is stated by those who are offended when I tell them like it is.

“Never raise a hand to a woman” has been mentioned by someone I know for a fact has struck his partner.

Everyone knows the best answer for everyone else. Everyone is trying to prove their worth and show that their method of living this life out is truly worthwhile. And with all these ideas, it seems to be confusing people - that to “not follow rules” requires rebellion and breaking of the law, and that being loud and extroverted is akin to “confidence and assertiveness”.

I am finding that the more I read into your material, the more I embrace it, even though the philosophies aren’t what I truly believe in myself. It’s making me become a slave to others’ expectations, and confines me to a strict method of thinking.

I don’t wish to know all there is to know. I don’t wish to tell people what is best for them, nor to profess that I know otherwise. Please disregard all that I have written and said in the past, as I clearly was not thinking correctly.

The more I read, the more rules are created. The more rules, the more limiting the path feels. It’s like wandering a forest and then finding out that everyone has to stick to the hiking trail, inside the barriers.

I want to explore. If people want to follow then that’s up to them.

No one event has led me to cancel my subscription. I just woke up this morning, had a think over morning coffee, and realized that I wanted out.

I want my actions to have no rationale other than “cos I want to”. No more “should”, no more “could” and no more “maybe”.

And “Cos I want to” should be enough explanation for anyone who questions me.

To reiterate, please cancel my subscription to your catalogue. I’ve had enough.

Yours sincerely

Andy

Gizzabeer, Mr Darcy.

It’s official.

I am old. Or at least, am so far behind the times that the world has gone ahead and changed without me, middle finger aloft in a glorious salute to me and my old fashioned ways.

According to news.com.au, women are behaving in a masculine manner, and are swearing, getting drunk and driving aggressively. It is suggested that women like this get “more respect”.

Yeah. That is so respectable, I’d slap them across their face… such is the style of the time.

Now, I’m all for women being empowered. There is nothing I love in women more than assertion and confidence. It is incredibly sexy. Furthermore, I can share a few drinks with women and still find them attractive.

In fact… isn’t that what’s supposed to happen… drink until they look good? Anyway, I digress.

I am wondering how I go about saying this without coming across as some woman-chaining, cook-my-meals-I-wear-the-pants-by-the-way-can-you-stock-up-a-few-
more-tins-of-tuna-in-my-bomb-shelter-the-commies-are-a-comin raging sexist.

But… I don’t like “Ockerettes”. I find their yelling antics a pathetic attempt at trying to be “the popular one”. I find that their staggering around drunk, informing me that they’re a great person a useless assertion.

“I tell it like it is” they’ll slur into my face, right before saying something insulting, and then slipping their arm around my shoulder to prevent them from nose diving into the floor.

Frequent statements of just how drunk they are do nothing to endear me to them, nor does it inspire me to slap them, which I am still debating as to whether it is the best means to express my respect.

But this suggestion that women are acting more like men to make them “empowered” seems… silly.

Are they suggesting that women cannot be empowered by acting like women? Am I the only person who sees “acting like men” a step back for women’s movement?

I dunno. Maybe my mere male brain cannot understand this issue. Oh, and I'm old.

Monument City

Apparently I have reached the age in where everyone around me has suddenly become a rampant capitalist, and each of them is looking to make the quick bucks.

Or, at least, the bucks that they believe are quick.

A few people have approached me concerning seminars in where you learn stuff that manipulates the system to better benefit yourself, “and it’s totally, like, legal!”

They prattle on about it as though it is some kind of secret knowledge that only the upper echelons of the Freemasons should know of its existence… but you don’t need to know any handshakes.

But, as far as I can tell, the stuff they tell you about you could figure out for yourself if you read the ATO site and investigated the tax system – therefore negating the need to pay some shyster $900 to attend his seminar.

Then you hear the words “recruit”. Oh yes, if you join up with this mob, you can then recruit other members who then earn money - of which you obtain a share.

Images of towering pyramids marked with Amway signs flash in my head.

Since I am starting up a new home-based business this year, I have been looking around various sources, trying to find out the many things people need to know when establishing a business. I went to a reputable careers website, and clicked on the “How to select a home based business” link, thinking that it might be helpful and provide some good tips.

What I found was some enthused writing about retiring early, and the benefits of setting yourself up so that assets go towards building wealth, rather than paying off debt etc. So far, nothing too bad. It’s the same advice I got after I paid a financial advisor when I sold my house last year.

However, it then proceeded to step into the realm of conjecture, citing books from “prominent businessmen” regarding the next “trillion dollar industry”. Consumers will be taking a proactive choice in their health, and they will be buying vitamins and supplements.

I researched the author of one book, and found links to Amway

I was then sent an email which stated that someone will be in touch with me to see whether I was “suitable” for their system. The word “Recruit” popped in my head.

Smelling a rat, I immediately replied, telling them to not contact me citing reasons of bubonic plague, ebola and being twice declared bankrupt. I have heard nothing since.

What’s more concerning is that I’m seeing more and more of these things crop up. I mean, I’m not an authority on these things (or anything really), and I eagerly watch those who have taken on this “method” of “employment” to see how they fare, but it just seems really, really shonky.

But I guess it was naïve of me to go to a careers website and expect to be given actual tips on starting up a business instead of being linked to pyramid schemes that are wily enough to find loopholes in the law.

I mean, what was I expecting? Information???? Tips????? Anecdotes from successful legitimate businesses??????

Christ. What was I thinking?