Message in the Not Mail
Has anyone heard of the therapeutic technique in where you write a letter to someone, but not actually send it? It’s good to get things down on paper, just for your own sake. It makes it easier to articulate your thoughts, and then plan on the action you must take.
I’ve tried it, and yes… I can conclusively say that the technique is actually bullshit.
So, I’ve gone and designed my own technique. It’s called, Writing A Letter And Then Blogging It So That The Entire World, Except The People It’s Directed At, Can Read It.
I call it the “Sky Writer Says Fuck You” technique.
So, without further ado.
Dear girl who works in the café down the street from my workplace.
I don’t know who the fuck stoked your fire, but looking at me like I’m failing at suppressing some terminal bout with flatulence doesn’t really enamour me to your business. I’d be tempted to give you a tip if you perhaps didn’t slap my food into my hand as though you were passing the baton in a 100 metre race… but… wait, no that’s a lie. I wouldn’t tip you full-stop. You’re not cute, and I’m shallow that way.
(tipping isn’t customary in Australia…)
Dear Male P Plate Drivers
Just because I drive a car that looks prettier than yours, it doesn’t mean I want to have a drag race with you at every set of lights. I don’t feel like I have to prove my driving prowess, or my car’s power output to little twerps like you. Besides, have you seen the cost of fuel lately? I’m not made of money, you know.
I don’t think Daddy would like it if I told him what you really do with his car when you tell him you’re “ducking down to the shops for some milk”.
As you also have to wear those lovely plates on your car that automatically brand you as a knuckle-dragging, antisocial terror, I know which one of us would get pulled over by cops first. Heh. You may be younger than me… but I’ve got… um… I’ve got… er… hmm.
Fuck off.
Dear The Instructor On Tuesday Night
An instructor is there to inspire others, to teach people the ideals and philosophies behind the subject. They are to encourage, support and provide feedback.
Instructors do not force their pupils to jump through hoops, show off how much better they are at the subject, nor do they portray some “I’m Top Shit” air and show off. Just because you got your black belt recently, it doesn’t automatically mean that you’re some fuckin’ oracle, and that we are all in awe of you.
In fact, I picked up some flaws in your teachings, but I didn’t want to tell you. I’ve seen the way you look with contempt at people of a lower belt than you, so I doubt you’d listen to me. I learned long ago that ability lies with what’s in your head, and not the colour wrapped around your waist.
If you’ve got a problem with this, I didn’t say it. It was the guy next to me. Go beat him up.
----------------
I feel better.
9 files below
i've done this before. however, i didn't write it in the paper, i wrote an e-mail and saved it as draft instead. in my case, it was to a particular someone who made me upset.
when i re-read it not long ago, i found it so corny that i broke out laughing so loudly. i can't believe i wrote that kind of emotional stuff.
4:34 PM
i've done it in a draft email...in fact there are 3 sitting in my drafts folder right now, all to the same person...im such a loser
i've also done it on my blog and in real life paper and pen...
do you think i maybe have issues?
party at the plaster funhouse, this saturday, 11am!!
andy, i'd never slap anything in your hand like a baton
xx
5:07 PM
I’ve done it all, put it down on paper, wrote a few draft emails, password protected word documents, closed my eyes and imagined the scene, posted an angry rant on my blog, all in the space of one week!!! And I concur that the technique is full of crap. Unless we tell the person face to face, (which we’re not likely to do anyway), it will keep bugging us… until we blog about it next!
However, in your case:
The girl from the café has the hots for you but is too shy to let you know.
The P Plate drivers, (which I assume are male), are just comparing who has a bigger…car.
The instructor is threatened by his/her student.
There…Feel better?
10:16 PM
I just drafted a letter to the Vice President of Human Resources at my Ex-company, which I'm sure I'll never send.
By the way, what are "p" plates?
11:20 PM
lol@You’re not cute, and I’m shallow that way.
11:54 PM
i take supreme pleasure in writing terribly honest, wicked letters and then making sure the person gets them. i don't do it often, because someone really has to hurt me to earn that kind of venom. they're long and painstakingly detailed, i nearly always hit the mark and i still stand by every word in all three of them.
believe me, it's one of the best feelings in the world. immature, but effective.
5:01 PM
Yeh, here here. If you're angry, share it I reckon. Okay, you might regret it, but you may also regret not standing up for yourself and your beliefs.
I'm all for saying 'you provide the worst customer service' or 'you're a selfish asshole' and walking away. Sometimes its embarassing for my friends lol, but how can they learn unless someone points it out?
10:28 AM
Well, the technique is rubbish, that's all I can say. If any therapist tells me to do that, I'll be grabbing his pen and doing "bad things" with it.
Chica: emotions do the funniest things to us. We can write some crap... :)
Little faerie: nothing wrong with venting, if you feel the need. :) It doesn't work for me, that's all...
CB: I feel your frustration, but as for your points, no I don't think she does, yeah, I think they might and perhaps he is, but it shows how paranoid he is.
Unless you were being facetious... :)
Sherri: P plates are what young drivers must display on their cars, as it shows they are on a probationary license. Once people have obtained a P plate, they don't need an adult to ride with them whilst driving... and this lends itself to some shocking driving. :)
Kenneth: She ain't cute, and I am :)
Cadiz: I dunno, I think theres a better feeling when you can see their face distort as they try to comprehend that you've got the shits on with them.
HS: In my experience, people don't listen, regardless of whether it is in print or not. I'd just leave them to their vacant little world.
Woo: No I haven't. Whilst I think that the item's relevance to the topic at hand is tenuous at best, I cannot help but think that maybe your abstract thinking is far too artistic for me, and you are better off visiting someone more versed in your methos of thinking.
8:09 AM
Take a guess :).
9:12 PM
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