Adelaide was host to the U2 juggernaut last night. You hear that? The juggernaut, I tells ya! Juggernaut. Any town worthy of a juggernaut visit has to be world class right? Any excuse for me to use the word juggernaut. Juggernaut.
Needless to say, this sleepy little town squealed with the gusto of a gushing groupie.
Bono and co were humble enough to mingle with fans prior to the show, to which Bono was unfortunately assaulted by our local media.
I don’t remember specific lines, but the “interview” (as they labelled it) went something like:
Media: So how do you feel [to be back in Adelaide]?
Bono: I feel great
Media: [Obviously star struck but a little annoyed that Bono wasn’t gushing about how much he loves (and has always loved) Adelaide] It feels good to be around?
Bono: Yeah… I am… I’ve been a great fan… [trails off as he tries to remember where he is]… er… [thinks]… I’ve been looking forward to… [trails off again as he desperately doesn’t want to lie, but doesn’t want to say a contrived pander to our parochialism]… kissing beautiful Australian women [all right! swish!]
Australian women [laughs]
Bono: er… yeah…
When will Adelaideans get it through their thick fucking heads that we’re not a world class city, that we’re not that special in the grand scheme of things, that just because we remember that U2 visited here 8 years ago (edit: it has been 13 years, I've been informed - apologies for the oversight) it doesn’t mean that Bono does, and that the only reason bands visit here is for our great wines and lax marijuana laws?
As the Irish would say: Jaysus fecking Christ!
I am glad that we managed to cram 60,000 people into the stadium, as that’s probably the environment that U2 is better accustomed than being swamped by bogans and star struck, amateur media with delusions of grandeur.
So, I hope that U2 and their tens of thousands of roadies had a great time in our little corner of the world. I apologise for our media. They know not their proper place and have no proper sense of decorum.
This morning’s local breakfast radio was gushing about the concert, and they mentioned the thing about SMSing your name so that it displayed on the huge screen. Then they gushed about how they “received a text message from Bono” afterwards. There was the typical “Wow, that’s really good of him” thing.
Yeah, I can imagine the scene. Bono going over the entire 60,000 name list with his mobile phone in hand as he clicks away at the keypad.
Edge: You comin’ t’ th’ pub, mate?
Bono: Edge, what ar’ ye thinkin’? I’ve gotta git these text massages done, ya limey git. Th’ pub can wait!
Edge: Alrahty then. I nay thought the text massages t’was a good idea. I told ye.
Bono: But ah’ve gotta be good t’ me fans, Edge. I’ll see ye after I’m done.
Bono continues to feverishly tap away at the mobile phone, trying in vain to get all the text messages done.
Bono: Ah shit! I hate pradict’ve text!! Sorry, abaht that, Emily van der Schans of Westbourne Park… your SMS has a typo in it. I was meanin’ t’ type “good” insted of “home”
U2 are a world-class group of people. Adelaide… alas… is not. Get over yourselves people. You don’t realise how tragic you look. Yes… that probably includes me as well.