ET needed an ISP

As a regular reader of The Australian’s IT columnist, Defrag, I discover some nice little gems regarding the ever changing, never stopping world of IT, and the fun new ways that technology is making our world better.

Before, it was the girl who dumped her boyfriend for an internet woo-er, only to find that both people were the same person. Now it’s aliens who may determine whether this planet is worth visiting based upon blogs that are being broadcast into space.

Blogsinspace is a relatively new venture in where, as the name suggests, blogs are beamed right into the flying saucer’s antennae. Provided they exist of course.

But, I can’t help but think that perhaps the blog world isn’t the best way to represent the human race, especially if the aliens are aggressive.

I’m not versed in the art of war, but personally I can’t think of a better planet to invade than one full of melancholy teenagers, funny people, political whingers and people who ask questions about everything.

Besides, I imagine an alien would take one look at my blog, turn to his other tentacled alien colleague, say, “These guys need to be put out of their misery” before his colleague pulled out a gun-like contraption, pumped it in a fashion not dissimilar to Sarah Connor in Terminator 2 and menacingly state, “Lock and load…”

I’d imagine also that it could well serve to confuse the aliens from outta town, too. I mean, they’d read many, many blogs over the period of travelling 20,000 light years, but would fail to grasp what we’re on due to all the typos.

Nothing would amuse me more than if aliens land in Central Park, their “gangplank” extends from their ship, the doors open to a bright light, their silhouette being cast as two large shapes stand on the threshold, and a new era of human-alien relations begins with the phrase

“Grettings humanz. Fair tiddings from across the galxy to j00 all! W00t!”

Perhaps, somewhat ironically, it would be the grammar Nazi’s on some blogs that would pull out their laptops and crack the aliens over the head, killing them instantaneously.

Imagine that. Blogs would have managed to both promote and then nullify a harmonious relationship with our extraterrestrial neighbours.

But sending blogs out to the stars does make me think whether ET got it wrong. Instead of trying to phone home, he should've started a blog to communicate his whereabouts. Then again, the posts would be something along the lines of "ET wants his own damn bike instead of bumming rides of this damn kid. ET swears, this kid won't leave him alone."

But if any aliens are reading this, feel free to comment. I don’t bite. I don’t mind bad grammar and bad English, unless you’re rhyming “2004” with “call”.