To not cop a licking

I have changed the title around a bit lately, seeing as my blog has shifted focus somewhat. Also, it sounded tacky, and I like to portray an air of style, grace and class, lined with just the right dosage of pomp.

Besides, the title was ripped from something that Adam Spencer once said.

So, I welcome the Inane Asylum. Classy, eh? Anyway, moving along:

I really do pity the females of our species. If they’re not being judged, objectified, scrutinised or clubbed over the head and dragged to a cave by their hair, they’re being expected to behave in a certain manner lest they get accused of “leading someone on”.

So many women I’ve spoken to lately seem to lament not being able to simply act “normal”, because they fear that guys (or even some girls for that matter) will simply take their good nature the wrong way. Because males are morons… predominantly.

I learned years ago that just because a woman sits and chats with you, touches you on the arm during conversation, or smiles at you periodically, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re contemplating romantic notions. It could just be the way they are. In fact, this could be one reason that most men think that women are totally beyond any form of comprehension.

Of course, this makes it hard to exactly determine whether a girl is genuinely interested. What I’m seemingly suggesting is that unless a girl is sitting on your lap, licking your face, she’s either interested in you romantically, or she’s a damn good sport to help you out with your amateur porn movies.

But I don’t mean that at all. Just licking your face is a sure sign, though… I’m sure… yeah.

My point is that I don’t envy females one iota. To simply instigate a conversation with a new person is a risky process, and it would constantly require a gauging of the guy’s reactions to certain conversation strains, and then directing him to a topic less to do with her, her life, his buff pecs and his convertible.

Then there’re the stories I hear about girls being accosted in car parks when they get off work... usually because some bloke misinterpreted her good nature. But it must be hard to determine which people are the gentlemen, and which ones are the deprived nutbags.

But through the beauty of evolution, social trends and ingrained instinct, women have developed what are commonly known as “razor nails” and “heat-seeking knees”. It is a shame that it isn’t often exercised, as I’m sure it might assuage some fears.

Because I’d imagine it would be hard to think that someone is leading you on when their hooks are in your eyes, and their knees are in your crotch.