Chasing Satire

For some time I was keen to write biting satire for The Chaser. Unfortunately they’ve shut down the paper, hoping to pursue other forms of media. Dang.

Also unfortunately, my satire was far from biting. It was more of a gnaw.

Anyway, here is the latest thing to come from my head. It might as well go up in the blog…

Male Workers Welcome Menstrual Leave

The landmark decision by Toyota to allow women 13 annual paid leave days has been applauded by the male employees on the shop floor. Also, some managers have welcomed the move, claiming that their rights have been increased as a result.

“It’s great to be able to berate my female workers now, without having to second guess whether she’s ‘up on the blocks’” exclaimed Nick Craigson, manager of the dashboard line at Toyota, “Too many times I’ve asked one of them why she did this task wrong, and I was assaulted with ‘Because I can!’

“Now I can be a typical overbearing, power-hungry, prick manager without having to anticipate a Phillips head screwdriver being flung at my head.”

But not all female workers readily embraced the move, citing concerns over a lack of an outlet during a stressful time.

“I shouldn’t be made to take out my stress at home, as I don’t want my family to suffer as a result of a gender related condition.” Said Nadia Florence, of the engineering team. “If I lash out in the workplace, it doesn’t matter because I don’t love those people. In fact, most of them are arseholes who make stupid, chauvinistic jokes at my expense.

“I am only concerned about the welfare of my children and my family”

Toyota is keen to publicise its forward thinking approach to Human Resources, by creating adverts in where females are seen to be enjoying a full night’s sleep when they have a Toyota in their garage, as well as being able to do whatever they want, no matter what time of the month it is.

Also, Toyota Camry’s are being offered with “wings” as standard, as well as ultra absorbent windscreen wipers, for heavier [rainy] days.

Like I said... it’s more of a gnaw than a bite.