Bleeding Obvious: Experts Say

Chinese philosophy won, and thankfully not before it was too late. And I think I realise why, now. It’s oh-so-obvious now that I think about it.

When the goal is in sight, it is all too easy to rush to make that final grab. Like sneaking up on a rare, timid, flighty bird in order to get a closer look, if you hurry those final moments, you’ll most likely be kicking yourself for ruining such an opportunity with your foolhardy actions.

The Dead Poet’s Society can kiss my arse. Seize the day? Seize your own fucking day. I’m off to the pub to drink some more beer. Whilst you’re off seizing your days, be sure to learn from your impetuous screw-ups, and file them away in the drawer marked, “Moments That Will Haunt Me For Years And Will Surface Periodically To Torture and Mock Me”.

But it is at this point I sigh, as my mindset could be interpreted as complacency. That couldn’t be further from the truth, though. But I will avoid any soapbox standing here, mainly because I don’t have one, and the horse I usually ride in on is grazing in a far paddock.

Well, what else is in the news? Ooh, let’s see.

After many years of speculation, warnings and ominous calls from “experts”, the housing boom is officially over. Which just goes to prove that if you predict it for long enough, you can automatically lay claim that you “saw it coming ages ago”, and you’ll be heartily applauded.

Despite the fact that you were stating the bleeding obvious.

It’s like me predicting that Paris Hilton will die due to her extreme lifestyle. It doesn’t matter WHEN it happens. Hell, she could be 150 years old, and die of old age... but I’ll still be there, pointing my finger and saying “She would’ve lived longer if she wasn’t so reckless earlier in life!”

So, in the spirit of the entry, allow me to make the following predictions:

• Labor will one day get into power

• In order to stimulate internet business, all sites will contain porn pop ups

• Populations will decline as people get bored with sex, due to overexposure

• Lleyton Hewitt will stop being a tool… because he will be dead

• Shampoo commercials will stop using soft porn, and go with full frontal nudity

• SMS speek wil 1 dai bi da nu inglish

• Reality TV shows will falter when all contestants want to do is get it on, but viewers are too bored with sex to care.

• American Express cards will finally be accepted in a retailer people actually visit

• The Australian accent will be phased out and replaced with a New York one. Aside from Missy Higgins who will continue to sing in that awful drawl.

• Mobile phones will be called celphones by all and sundry. Thank you, American-dominated pop culture

There you have it, although I’m not sure about the first one. But you heard it here first.