Smacked Around With An Irony Bar

I love the little ironies that life throws at you sometimes.

I haven’t even been separated from my wife for 2 months, but suddenly my opinions on relationships, and what I think women want are somehow valid.

I have been asked to participate in a forum on SBS’s “Insight” program (pending phone interviews to determine my “suitability”) to discuss what men want from a relationship, and what we think women want.

I mean, I honestly think that I’m entitled to ask the cosmos that seemingly mocks me, “What… the… fuck… is… your… game…?”

As if I know... or that my opinion is valid.

I anticipate being in an audience containing a broad cross-section of intellectuals, chauvinists, and/or people frustrated and confused about the fairer gender.

Because there are no set criteria as to what attracts people to each other, I don’t think. My motto for a while has been that life is a lottery in so many ways, and a facet of that is that if you can find someone who compliments you in many different ways, then the balls have fallen with your numbers.

Now, I don’t profess to be Dr Woman’s-Brain, but I’m sure that women want a conglomerate of traits, but with a certain leaning. On one hand they’d want excitement, spontaneity, adventure and intrigue, whereas on the other hand they’d want security, companionship, warmth and a puppy...

Also, I’ve heard that they’d want someone who can articulate their emotions... yet it is still said that they’d like us to contain an air of mystery (?).

We’re walking a fine line here, girls.

But look, if I even get on this show, I will simply take my 15 seconds of fame and be done with it. I figure that if I’m going to head overseas, I might as well make a dick of myself on national television beforehand.

Provided they deem me “suitable”...