Dear Chuck and Cam: No one cares

This is a poem for the pending royal nuptials, and the media coverage surrounding it today. Bless their cotton socks. Yes, every one of them.

We’re getting married amongst the trees
The media just love to sleaze
But in the world is suffering, tragedy, disease
Oh well, please pass the cognac, Jeeves.

Korea’s nuclear arsenal is up and away
You can’t get married if you’re gay
But please pass the paper this way
I want to read about myself today

The wrongfully jailed Guildford Four
Rising interest rates and paying more
For clothes, cars, rooves and floors
But fret not, cos we aren’t poor.

Oppression, regimes and minimal wages
Death of intellectuals and wise old sages
Bizarre weather and tsunami rages
Look dear, we made the front pages!

In this photo you look really lithe
Their coverage really intrudes our life
Yet aren’t the media who cause this strife
The ones who killed your previous wife?

Soccer hooligans, and cricket louts
A child being fought over, after tsunami clout
But we’re on the front page, no doubt
Because we’re the only ones worth reading about.

I’m sure some monarchists would disagree with me, but I don’t think anyone gives a crap about some ugly bloke marrying the broad that he’s been banging for the past 100-odd years.

Oh well. Good luck to them.

On a related note, I’m boycotting the media for the next three months.

(Oh yes... and I can rhyme one-syllable words! I'm a genius!! Pfft.)