The Suspicions That Leave Us Cold

ChickyBabe got inspired by Kenneth, and now it’s my turn.

Over the past eight years that I’ve lived in Adelaide, I have grouped up with people, spent time with them, and then we have all dispersed or fallen out. This has happened due to changing circumstances, relocation, or a misunderstanding.

Let me clarify the final point.

Many years ago [Michael] and I studied together. We used to head out, talk to women and basically lived like the standard 20 year olds we were.

[Michael] eventually met a lovely girl. She was bright, friendly and liked to laugh a lot. Those two were a good match. As a group, we got along famously, providing support wherever we could and enjoying the foundation a friendship should afford. We went out with large groups constantly and held many parties.

However, as time went on, [Michael] grew suspicious of me. He would watch me as I conversed with his girlfriend, picking apart the words said, and making his own interpretation in the subtext of my discourse.

He confronted me one day, citing specific conversations and times, hoping to catch me out in an undeniable prosecution case in the charge of usurping his relationship.

Naturally I denied it. His girlfriend was far from my type.

He was livid with me, thinking that I was manipulating the situation so that I could pick up the pieces of their shattered relationship and live happily ever after. I told him to fuck off and come back when he had pulled his head out of his arse.

He rang me a couple days later to apologise, and that he’d spoken to his girlfriend who told him that there was no threat from me. I accepted his apology. Since then I’ve bumped into them a couple times, chatted briefly and then moved on. I don’t hear from them anymore.

My friend [John] had a nice girlfriend. She was totally besotted with him. She was a girl who was very easy to get along with. One time we bumped into each other in a food court and had lunch.

[John] seemed okay with this when he raised it with me, and everything seemed normal. However, after that there were a number of occasions in where [John] informed me that his relationship may be in trouble. Both times I told him to communicate with his missus, and that everything should be fine.

Later, however, his emails suddenly became terse and aggressive. We no longer speak. I have a feeling he is glad to be rid of me.

I have female friends as well. But now it has gotten to the point where I do not meet up with them unless their boyfriend is with them. This is despite the fact that I was friends with them well before they met said partner.

For as good a friends I know I can be with people, I do know that they will stick with and support their loved one. I don’t expect otherwise.

But on each of these occasions, I had no desire to “steal away” these people’s partners. The funny thing is, when someone actively tried to crack onto my ex-wife (when we were together), I was expected to get over it, and if I snobbed them, I would be the one in the wrong.

But seeing as this whole “losing friends through suspicions” has happened on more than one occasion, I do wonder whether it is something that I am doing wrong, and if there was something I could do to prevent it happening.

So it appears that I shouldn’t see my own female friends without their partners around. If that sustains the friendship, then so be it. If I cannot chat with mates' girlfriends, then so be that, too.

I'm not jealous that girls are "stealing" my mates away. I don't hate that my female friends have found happiness.

I just hate misunderstandings. And naturally... because it has happened more than once, I can only think that I am doing something wrong.