Ego is a Pathetic Word
So, I bumped into some of my ex-wife’s friends the other day. Yeah, it was a little awkward, but soon enough it all came out.
I gushed forth with just how much my life freaking rocks right now, and that my missus screwing me around actually turned out to be the best thing that had happened to me over the past five or so years.
“Yeah, you’re looking so much more happier now” one quipped.
“I always knew that you’d be the one better off” the other remarked in a surprising statement of support.
The warm glow I felt soon subsided after I realised that people can’t help but be supportive of the screwee rather than the screwer.
I regaled them with the various different happenings over the past few months, the trip to Sydney, the plans for Japan, the new (higher paying) job, the article publishing (they knew I wrote for the mag), the better social life and so forth.
I wasn’t three steps away from the departure of ways before my mind stopped and pondered: What the fuck was that?
For one, why should I prove anything to them? For two, since when was I such a gratuitous puppet of self indulgence and ego stroking?
The answer came quickly: Because I’m a petty bastard.
I’m sure many of us have been in that situation before. You know the one. When you strip away the enamel of conversation, you can roughly translate it as such:
“Hi there. Howzit goin’? Yeah, I’m great, and despite the fact that the person whom I considered my closest and deepest friend had been banging someone else behind my back, I’m actually fantastically better off. You know, that last remaining shred of my dignity floated away in the wind many months ago, and I simply must convince you of my state of being ‘over it’ by dot-pointing my various achievements since her exodus.”
It’s quite pathetic really.
But, funnily enough, this paper-thin veneer of relative bliss is surprisingly convincing, as I received an email from said ex-wife this morning.
“[Friend] told me she saw you at [place]. Said you looked happy.”
Correction, tiger. She said I looked “happier”. There’s a difference. That is “happier than I was with you” if you didn’t understand. Yeah. Burn.
See? It’s pathetic.
But oddly satisfying.
Anyway, I guess I should point out that I didn’t do any of these things over the past few months in an effort to spite her, or to prove anything to her. I did them for myself, as soppingly cliché as that sounds.
Because, quite frankly, she probably couldn’t give a rat’s arse about how freaking awesome I am at the moment, probably too enamored with her own reflection, and far too busy finding solace in her reasons for leaving.
So I guess the moral of this story is… when opportunity knocks, don’t forget to pander to your own ego.
posted by Andy at 1:51 PM
10 files below
not pathetic. anyone who has been treated badly should get the chance to rub it in the bad-treater's face when s/he's moved on to a much better place. if your ex had a brain in her head, she'd feel bad she couldn't make you this happy. but then again, if she'd had a brain in her head, she wouldn't have mistreated you in the first place.
6:32 PM
Having been the dumpee of a bad breakup of 3-years, I like nothing better than accumulating many dot points to rub in my dumper's face.
Pathetic or not? Who cares. It feels fucking fantastic!
Not that i've seen her since then (and not that I care to either)... but this is Adelaide, and it's only a matter of time. :)
6:43 PM
I don’t think it’s pathetic to take a moment to remind yourself that you’re doing better now after what you’ve been through. The fact that you reflected on it shows humility. Besides, it’s human nature to want to rub it in someone’s face.
The part I don’t get is that she contacted you about how much happier you look. Guilt? Remorse? Jealousy? Is she for real??
8:46 PM
I don't think what you did was pathetic. I think it is absolutely natural to want to stick it to someone who has wronged us. Good for you!
4:33 AM
I don't think what you did was pathetic. I think it is absolutely natural to want to stick it to someone who has wronged us. Good for you!
4:33 AM
Justifications, reasonings, excuses, just a simple "why" - who cares at all really as long as you feel fantastic I say.
(I take that back if you decide to go on a shoplifting spree, or a murder spree or something just as illegal and burn in hell worthy just to feel fantastic though).
11:47 AM
hi Andy
I find its always hard when faced with a side of myself I'm trying to let go. The ex, the inlaws, the familiar ways.
I guess you can at least look back and yes, be happy in how far you've come.
Those people are worth nothing in the grand scheme of things, but worth a fortune that they reported back to her, with such glowing observations of you.
The ex lucky you havent blocked her email yet. I despise cheaters.
12:46 PM
what u did was a natural reaction of any testesterone contained guy or a normal girl, so its perfectly allrite
5:35 AM
Cadiz: you're right, but I guess I've always been told strength through silence often hurts more than lashing out like I did.
Rev: I really despise how small this town is sometimes. I have yet to see the ex walking down the street, but as you say... t'is only a matter of time.
CB: True in that it is human nature to rub it in the face of the ex, but it also is somewhat petty... almost like a tit-for-tat war in where I try to compete with someone whom doesn't consider me competition... why try to brag to someone who couldn't care less?
Sherri: It is perfectly natural, but I guess I just find it odd that in order to feel better about myself, I need to make someone else feel bad. Human nature is sometimes odd to me... which I guess is the underlying philosophy of this blog. Our behaviour is sometimes odd...
Jen: It's true that the important thing is that I feel good, but doesn't societal ideals say that we should always respect other people's feelings... even those people you don't like? Sure I feel good... but this was at the expense of someone else.
Ms Smack: These friends of hers would find it hard to not have a glowing review of my progress, as it is far simpler to sympathise with the person left behind. Anyone who sympathises with her (and there are a couple people) is a moron.
Kenneth: Yeah, you're right. I just sometimes think human nature can be bemusing...
8:59 AM
Comparisons between you from third parties should end around about the time your relationship does. At least that's my opinion on the matter. I doubt that anything genuinely meaningful would ever see the light of day from their mouths as such out-of-the-blue meetings are often the prime cause of discomfort and awkwardness. I think knowing that you're better off is far more rewarding than having someone state a cliche. What were they going to say: 'Yo, Andy. You look like shit, homes. Where ya been since X fucked some other guy behind your back?'
Third parties can be trusted as far as they can be thrown. It's a blanket satement but I'm sticking to it as a general rule of thumb.
Good on ya, mate. Live life for yourself and leave the past to the divorce papers.
6:08 PM
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