Position Vacant

Want to see the tropics? Want to experience the fine cuisine that can only be obtained from sitting inside a gaol cell? Want an entire country to be your friend? Want to get your face into the media, both television and print media?

The Inane Asylum has the Job Opportunity of a lifetime*.

As one of the fastest growing drug cartels** in Australia, a vacancy now exists for young, gorgeous girls who wish to embark on a career of landing on the front cover of FHM, or those who wish to become the darling of an entire continent.

As a drug mule, you will be privy to areas of Bali not normally seen by everyday tourists, and you will experience a taste of Balinese culture*** rarely explored by Australians. Your face will become a national icon, and your name - along with many other variations of the word “breast” – will be typed into search engines for months.

Successful applicants will know how to break into tears in front of cameras, must be able to apply makeup within small confines, and must have family naïve enough to believe you would never touch drugs.

Modeling experience not necessary, but would be a bonus.

Please send all enquiries to the Inane Asylum, enclosing photos of the applicant huddled in a corner, tears streaking down their face****. Rich financiers are a bonus. Males need not apply, as you deserve every punishment your drug addled arse can take.

* Almost literally
** no, not really… but for the sake of this post
*** If being held at gunpoint is part of “culture”
**** In a 300 x 200 glossy.