A diversion
Some things I will probably ask for many seconds to come:
Like… why did she push so hard to save for and buy a house, only to then discover that paying off a mortgage isn’t the life she wanted?
Why was she so keen for marriage, only to assert that she was always a free spirit and didn’t want to be trapped… only to then bunker down with a new man…?
Why is it that she changed… but only in a way that made her more abusive, even when I telling her what she was doing?
Why someone is able to place blame totally on me for the failure, despite the fact that it was her who was doing the destroying.
Why is it that someone can do what she did, and still land $40,000 (half each of what was left after the house was sold) despite not doing anything that contributed to the house’s value?
Why is it that someone can commit such atrocities to my psyche… yet somehow escape reprimand, as I know that to do so would be empty, soulless and ultimately hopeless?
Why is it that someone can tear you apart for your own personal failings, yet to return the scorn would only be met with indifference?
Why is it that my fleeting memories of Japan readily recall the murderous black swirl of crows that cawed deafeningly at my back?
Why is it that I must face justice and undergo change, when she continues on blissfully – content to blame everyone else but herself?
Today, I am officially a man free of marriage. Free of that woman.
Pity I can’t tell her to get fucked.
posted by Andy at 10:57 AM
11 files below
How about: Why is it that men are always labelled as the gender with commitment issues, however in all-but-one of the cases I know, it is the women who cannot settle?
I hope things start looking up for you soon, Andy.
I think it just must be that time of year. Maybe it's the tide or moon or something.
1:43 PM
Hey Andy, it'll take time but one day you'll stop asking why, because you'll be proccupied with why nots instead; everyone deserves a why not -- even if it doesn't seem as though they do.
Reverend Tim: I am disappointed in your generalisation ;-)
2:29 PM
Thanks Tim :) I think there's something in the water
Faerie: telling her to get fucked is like yelling into the abyss. You'd think it'd feel satisfying... but deep down, you know it isn't... and nothing but an empty space looks back at you.
Oh, and I know she suffered from the separation. However, its the way she took me down first, blamed everything on me... even though it was her the whole time... I'll never forgive that.
I see what you're saying Jen, but i think a moment of Whys can be somewhat (if a bit pathetically) satisfying.
2:53 PM
Sure, Andy, asking why is part of the process anyway. Sorry for sounding like I'm encased in a sunbeam or something. :)
Also, people do weird things to other people when they feel guilt...
3:55 PM
Andy, think of it this way: you just did. In your heart and in your mind, you have said it in a way that does not fall on deaf ears and won’t make her reaction/lack of reaction torture your psyche even more.
I recall an old post of yours, your interpretation of a Muse song, something about being “freer than you”. Maybe you should read it again… I remember it was very empowering.
7:04 PM
I don't think I'd even be able to begin to understand your situation, but enjoy being free.
---X
6:08 AM
Steph: whilst she does deserve it, I think that doing it would be like trying to tell someone from Mt Druitt... well... anything.
It's just so futile, that it'd be a waste of energy.
3:00 PM
:-) as long as you're happy, mate. there's no point dwelling in the past is there?
3:01 PM
Albert Einstein once said, "Two things in life are infinite, the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not too sure about the universe." A notion exemplified by your former love. You don't need to tell her to get fucked - she fucked herself.
10:36 AM
I know exactly how you feel. :-|
6:16 PM
i asked myself the same questions about someone almost two years ago. and even though i'm pretty much over it, i still wonder if he ever truly felt bad about all he put me through, and why the hell the best reaction i could ever get from him was a shoulder shrug.
you're right, andy; it's like an abyss. save your energy for someone who deserves it.
5:08 PM
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