*sigh*
It is truly amazing, sometimes, how very few people will admit it when they’re ticked off.
Or how people say that they accept your apology, when in fact, they don’t.
Needless to say, over the past year I have taken stock of my life, looked at my errors, and made moves to make amends. Needless to say, the people who I have wronged in the past have assured me that they’re quite okay with it.
Needless to say, they’re fucking lying.
It has been said that it takes a big man to admit when he has made a mistake, and for all accounts, I’ve believed it. To take a good look at yourself and say, “hey, that time I put my pants on my head and ran screaming through the aged care facility… well hey, wasn’t I just the l’il wrong un then, eh?” seemed character building, and I believed that it would make people appreciate that you’ve foregone the ego and just accepted the fact that you’re not perfect.
No. People don’t do that.
They will focus upon that one little indiscretion you did, and they will remember you by it. They will cite it again and again, twisting the knife that was sharpened by your own confession and apology. Again and again, it will be raised as a trump card in any future arguments, and will be justification for them to look upon you with scorn as they pass you in the street.
They will continue to look down on you for years; their narrowed eyes a sharp reminder of your mistake. Their pursed lips a marker of the scar you left on their soul.
As I’m learning more, and more, it appears that during life you will be known for your faults and failings, but in death people will finally acknowledge what you offered them.
And by then, it’s too fucking late.
As an adult, I have tried to groom myself into being a better man. Why? For personal satisfaction? Yes. For respect? Again, yes (although some would suggest it’s erroneous to value yourself through the perception from others - but honestly, who doesn’t, even in a slight way?). For fun?
Well, it’s not fucking fun. It’s no fucking walk in the park. Admitting making a mistake is not something that is simply scattered about in a manner akin to feeding chickens.
My New Years Resolution? Stop caring. People will only know you for the bad, no matter what.
Oh, and there’s something in my resolutions about reducing the alcohol, and getting into better shape. My wiry thin shape took it badly over Christmas.
posted by Andy at 1:25 PM
6 files below
I’m going to disagree with you, Andy. It does take a big person to admit they made a mistake and correct the wrongs. It does take strength of character to want to better oneself and make amends to people you’ve wronged in the past. And not all people are forgiving and vindictive liars who bring up indiscretions at every chance. And during life you will be known as the person who admits mistakes and learns from them, someone with a bigger heart than the rest.
But these people who are doing that to you do not deserve your respect. No matter what you did, admitting it was wrong and making amends is an admirable character. The fact that they’re not forgiving is a flaw in their character, not yours.
I sure hope you keep to one of your resolutions but don’t change who you are at the core for the sake of a few ingrates who don’t deserve your friendship. If you want to stop caring, then stop caring about them, not everyone. Changing yourself to their level does not make it right, and you’re better off without them in the long run.
In the end, people will know you for what they want to know you.
Sorry about the long comment, I did say I was going to disagree… :)
2:53 PM
We can be hypocritical. I'm sure you know what it's like. We highlight other people's imperfections in a bid to TRY and forget our own. It's cowardly and pathetic.
But more importantly, it seems like you need some more positive people around you...
Jen.
3:22 PM
A agree with Chicky and Jenster. Only shallow people will focus on people's flaws - so fuck 'em.
3:49 PM
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4:37 PM
I used to be one of those people that you mentioned. I'd be all, "sure...I accept your apology" and then secretly hate the person behind their back.
I suppose it's a sign of my maturity that I can forgive and forget.
I hope you are successful with your "not caring anymore" resolution for 2006. That's a tough one.
Happy New Year, Andy!
6:28 AM
People like that you can do without.True friends forgive, genuinly, and do get over it.
8:42 PM
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