The DR Code

It appears that I am the proverbial meat in the proverbial topical sandwich.

Out my west window is the hotel in which Donald Rumsfeld is staying.

Out my east window is the hotel in where Daniel Radcliffe is staying.

Here I am, stuck in the middle with view.

What a marvelous coincidence that these two have the same initials. It has the makings of a novel on par with The Da Vinci Code, except the story will have more tenuous links to conspiracies, will alienate readers for its excessive attention to detail, yet still contain plot holes the size of the Grand Canyon.

The DR Code is a tale of sordid plots to bring about the apocalypse, all triggered by the uprising of Doctors when two figureheads with the initials “DR” descend upon a small sleepy town that is a mere stone throw away from a large uranium mine.

The Doctors, simply not content with the pomposity and patronage that those two letters afford, end up halting the mail service with a bunch of “Return To Sender” letters, because they were addressed as “Mr Smith” and not “'Dr' Smith MD BA Ph OA STFU”

As the postal service is rendered more useless, it places an extraordinary burden upon alternative forms of communication. Email servers crash, phone batteries explode, and the Internet stops supplying pr0n.

Teenager’s heads explode as their SMS’s begin to be spelt without abbreviations and with full English and grammar.

The white collar workers become manic depressants because no joke emails come through anymore, and they have no excuse to goof off.

Bloggers resort to writing down their journal posts onto scrap paper and sticking them to telegraph poles, bus shelters and on the backs of passers-by. Litter abounds.

This increase in demand for paper causes the logging industry to flourish to the point where they harvest every last tree on the planet, causing irreparable erosion, sends species of animals extinct, and robs uni students of shade to sit under to write songs.

The music industry loses all credibility. Not due to the DR Code… just because its been heading that way for the past fifteen years…

At the middle of this is the sole public servant, and the irritable IT Guy who “Saw It Coming A Long Time Ago, But You Guys Wouldn’t Listen To Me, Dammit” to try and save person-kind.

They fail after the media vilifies them for trying to save the world when it isn’t in their job description.

Oh, and the human race dies. Because there’s no oxygen with no trees around.

Oh and the media dies. Because I hate them.