We Can Be Heroes...

I was channel bounding last night, not taking anything in, and basically wondering why I didn’t pop on my Collectors DVD of Daria episodes.

But I kept swinging past the current media darlings otherwise known as “The Two Blokes Who Were Trapped In A Fallen Mine”, and their exclusive interview on Channel Nine.

Or… as far as I could see, it was the story of “The Two Blokes Who Got Paid Two Million Bucks To Bang On (Exclusively) About Rocks For A Shitload Of Time”.

“I was buried up to my chest in Rock”

“When I pulled Rocks out, more Rocks would fall in”

“I wanted to go see a wrestling match with The Rock…”

“The Foo Fighters make good Rock music”

Okay, so I made the last two up. But whenever I bounded past the Nine station, the word “Rock” would be mentioned at least twice for the five seconds I loitered there.

Not to discount their ability to endure, and the tenacity required to survive such an ordeal, but I simply must object to the term “heroes” which the media just loves to foist upon anyone who has gotten through something.

So, what of the unsung heroes of today’s society? I think I’ll follow the current media’s trend of finding everyday heroes.*

For instance, I spoke with John Blackwell of Underdale, Adelaide. John was to travel to Sydney to pursue his dream of being a lead folk dancer in a major musical, but instead drove right into his worst nightmare.
“Oh the traffic was hell over there, I tell you…” he said, with a distant look in his eyes, “There were cars everywhere, no one used their turn signal, and the speed limit was basically redundant.”
John had to cross through Sydney in order to get to his audition, but was unwittingly swept into the chaos of a hellish peak hour. However, due to his dogged nature, and his undying desire to see his loved ones again, he pulled through it all and returned home to Adelaide. “Oh, I just didn’t want to die. I told God that I simply wasn’t ready yet.”
Sure, he didn’t get the part, but in the eyes of us at the Inane Asylum (and based upon the precedent that the media has set), John is a Hero. And that is enough.

Then there was the tale of Asuma Aikumasu. He was on a dream life journey to Australia to find himself, become aware of cultural poles, and to try beers of different continents. However, what was to be a trip of a lifetime soon descended into the abyss. Speaking through a translator, he weakly told me, “All I did was touch the Fosters drink”
Even though Australia is renown for beers of great taste, Asuma didn’t know that there are some evil brews circulating some backwater pubs.
“I thought all beers were equal, but upon being hit with illness as a result of drinking Fosters, I realize now that is not the case.”
Asuma bravely fought on against the poison, and even during the lowest point of the illness he thought only of his girlfriend back home in Okinawa, “I had to pull through for her. I want to marry her one day, and I think this experience has taught me that life is too short”
And for surviving such an ordeal, Asuma too is a Hero.

Or Edith Smithson of Richmond, Melbourne. She has just pulled through a harrowing ordeal at her local post office, in where a simple transaction turned into the Wait From Hell.
“I didn’t think I’d ever get out of there.” She said.
“The wait just kept going and going. People were all paying with plastic – where have the days of cash gone? My eye kept flicking past the DIY Last Will and Testament pack. I seriously thought about grabbing one and penciling down my dying wishes, post haste”
During her terminal boredom, she turned her thoughts skyward. “I’ve never been a religious person” she said, “but I think the fact that I survived such an awful ordeal is a sign that someone was looking out for me that day”
Things looked dire when she saw the “Transaction Denied” words on the EFTPOS machine. But she pulled through by actually typing in her PIN correctly. And although the worst had been put behind her, she still had to walk back past the other disgruntled people in the queue who witnessed her mistake on the EFTPOS.
“They were all so condescending. Sure, they didn’t say or do anything, but I felt it in their eyes. They hated me. But The Lord guided me out the front door.”
She now has a firm hold on life, and wants people to know that time is precious, “Grab life by the horns. My ordeal has taught me that too much time is spent waiting. Get out there, and fill your life with joy.”
And Edith is, for surviving, a Hero.

Personally, I survived waiting in the line up at the Bean Bar, listening to the inane conversations of the other patrons. I got through it without slitting my wrists with the popsticks normally used for stirring coffee. I too, am a Hero.

Heroes are everywhere, people! You all walk among greatness!

*The following people and their heroic displays may not exist and may not have happened... respectively.