Lay Back With Us.

So, where the bloody hell are you?

Come to Australia and experience our laid back attitude.

There is never a rush to do anything at all, unless you’re stuck behind a little Suzuki Swift… then hell, you’ve gotta be where you want to go NOW!

We will happily stop our cars to let you cross the street, unless you are crossing when the little red man light is flashing. In that case we are more than entitled to hurl abuse at you, honk our horn and shout obscenities. Of course, if you’re the pedestrian, you can do likewise, but I’d hate to see what horn you’re honking.

We delight at laying in our backyard and taking it easy, unless the neighbour’s dog/tree/kids/general aura is impeding our enjoyment of laying back. We will then either torment the dog, chop down the tree, terrorise their children and sully their aura… and then go to a Current Affairs show to show the entire country how shithouse they are.

We never let fiscal worries ever stress us out, unless the “bloody reserve bank change interest rates by a quarter of a percent which is going to send my bleedin’ kids into bleedin’ poverty - you fat cats in your smarmy business suits have all the fuckin’ luck”… because our money is never our own responsibility.

We don’t get carried away with our spending. Because if for any reason that we get a $4,000 mobile phone bill, we can always kick up a stink and run to a Current Affairs show to bail us out… because “It’s not our fault the kid ran up a $4,000 bill of downloads… it’s the telecommunications company’s fault for not telling us what we’re doing”. We don’t get fancy mobile phones to keep up with the Jones’ here in Australia. No, we buy our kids spanking new 3G mobile phones to “keep in touch with them just in case of an emergency”… instead of a pre-paid phone.

We’re so laid back, that if something ever goes to pooptown, it’s the Government’s fault. High bank fees? Government did it. Dog got run over? Government too. Meteorite to collide with earth? You can bet the Government had a hand in that too.

However, $3000 grants from the Government for having a baby are a result of the hard workin’, yet totally laid back Aussie.

Oh yes, it surely is paradise in Australia. Where else can you be accosted by laid back louts in a pub because a waitress gave you the eye? Where else can you politely question a laid back person’s opinion on foreign policy, and have them threaten to punch you in the face?

In fact, we’re so fuckin’ laid back here that you could easily mistake us for a bunch of up-tight, namby-pamby, whining, crying, jingoistic, racist, easily-threatened, paranoid bigots. But then you’d remember that we’re Australian… so we’re actually “laid back”.

Australia. Where the bloody hell are you?

I think the more pertinent question to Australia is, where the bloody hell have you gone?