Author's Cut

Pilfered from whatever footage I can recall.

First there was the Sydney posts. Then there was what I call “The gunk that I scraped from the bottom of the fermenting barrel, including discourse on pink shirts”… now we have “The Deleted Scenes”.

Funnily enough, in text form.

Well, I guess it’s not so much “deleted scenes” but more of what I would loved to have included, but simply didn’t for reasons including either pacing, taste, sheer inability, lack of opportunity, or simply too busy getting drunk with the people I met.

For instance, I would loved to have taken a photo of Australia’s unique fauna, but alas the kangaroos in the wild were too flighty, and the ones I could get close to were either in a zoo, or dispersed in many pieces across the highway after a fateful bout with a truck’s front end.

I don’t think anyone wants to see that kinda gore anywhere.

And that includes the bloody blister on my thumb after hitting golf balls around. :)

And anyone can go to a zoo and see timid roos. I prefer to see the ones that are six feet tall, and are wont to tear your limbs off if they’re cornered.

Well, okay. On the morning of departure from Sydney, there was a gorgeous sunrise over the city. Unfortunately I couldn’t snap it due there being nowhere to park on the Great Western Highway at the time.

By the time I could stop, the sun had risen to the point where I couldn’t photograph it due to the huge lens flare.

There were the sharp people in business suits who were clearly tipsy after their champagne breakfast in a random Sydney restaurant. However, people are usually averse to having their photo taken by strangers from out of town. Especially at 10am. Especially after a few glasses of champagne. Especially by a stranger wearing a long, dark jacket and dark glasses.

The Holiday resort was interesting. Despite having never had Krispy Kreme, and there being one a mere fifty metres away from my hotel room, I still didn’t give it a go. Starbucks coffee is nothing to rave about, though. I think it’s a nice novelty though…

“Hey, where you been?”

“Oh, I was just at Starbucks. You know… Starbucks. The joint that gets constant mention on The Simpsons. That Starbucks. You know. Oh, don’t mind me, I’m from out of town”

Asking a Kebab place if they could make me a Yiros was amusing. They are, effectively, the same thing. Just different regions have different names for them.

Asking for a pint of beer at the Crown on Elizabeth Street was again amusing. Again, regional dialects were in conflict here. If no one was aware of this (but you probably are), if you want a big glass of beer in Adelaide, you ask for a pint. If you ask for a schooner (which is the big glass in Sydney), you’ll get a small one (Sydney’s “midi” or “mini” or whatever it’s called. I don’t know. I only ordered big glasses).

I met some really interesting, intelligent and insightful people, however taking a photo of them didn’t feel right.

StarCity casino looked impressive but I couldn’t bring myself to photograph a monolith that grew and feasted upon the compulsive and terminally addicted. I’m not averse to fluttering on horses, but I have observed some people with gambling addiction, and the dark aura it shows is incongruous with the bright lights and buzzing neon of a casino.

In order to restrict the chances of me falling asleep at the wheel of the car, I consumed an obscene amount of Red Bull. By obscene, I really mean “enough to make the world appear all ‘Bullet time’ as my nerves jittered and bounced all over my body”.

I am seriously considering getting shirt printed;

“I drove to Sydney and back, and all I got was this lousy Red Bull addiction”

Or maybe one of those blue AAPT t-shirts from that advert (Australians will know what I’m talking about here, and I apologise for the in-joke);

“Needs Caffeine Now”