When Photographers Turn Bad

Anyone who has read this blog for more than five minutes would know of my undying love for our media, if by love you really mean “heart-stabbing abhorrence”.

However, this time I laugh at their photographers, and their ability to totally muck up. Normally I would post a picture, but I’d prefer to post the link, instead (will be found below).

Australia’s sudden interest in the Miss Universe contest was borne of last year’s winner, Jennifer Hawkins – a local lass. Now, I shudder to think of the intense scrutiny this new girl (Michelle Guy) will be under. Hell, if she doesn’t at least win the Miss Congeniality prize, then I’m sure there’ll be pitchforks and torches a go-go when she returns.

Because we all know that’s really the prize given to the girl who all the contestants feel sorry for (however, I cannot say for sure having never been a beauty pageant contestant…).

Anyway, back to the point.

There was typical gushing over our new Miss U representative in this article. Words like “cute”, and “whole package” were used, indicating that this girl is some kind of angelic beauty who drop men (and some women) to their knees, weeping.

But it seems that they deemed that the photo in this article was the best one.

Okay, so it’s not the worst photo ever, but surely it’s not the best one. If you’re going to fawn over someone really beautiful, then why not use a beautiful photo? Tips include:

• Try not to get the red “devil eyes” effect. Photoshop is a wonderful tool, as is using equipment that you don’t buy at the servo just because you’re running late. Disposable cameras, in fact, aren’t the tool of choice for professional photographers.
  
  
• Try not to get a facial expression akin to someone’s reaction to a shockingly hilarious event. If I may be so crass and low-brow, the girl looks like she’s just heard someone drop the most enormous - and odd-sounding – trumpet fart.
  
  
• Ensure that you cannot see the reflection of the photographer in the subject’s forehead. Again, Photoshop is your friend.
  
  
• Obtain a shot of a pose a little more dignified, not one which suggests the she is struggling to keep her head from tilting or perhaps even falling off (and yes, I do realise that she is merely adjusting her tiara).
  

But perhaps this just reinforces the suggestion that women are jealous, vindictive and malicious creatures. Perhaps the lady who took this photo thought, “That fucking bitch. How dare she be so cute and likable? I think I’ll put this photo in. This’ll piss her off…”

Honestly… if I was her (which I’m not), I wouldn’t put that photo on my driver’s license, let alone allow it in a newspaper.

But maybe there's a lesson here. Don't piss off your photographer; they capture how you are at a single moment, and therefore can define how you'll be remembered.