Damn Conformist Individuals

I love adverts as much as the next person, ie not much at all. In fact, whenever I am force fed some product constantly, I usually end up not buying said product simply out of spite. It’s my way of protesting against… well. something. I feel somewhat validated by my non-consume stance, and that’s all that’s important. Okay?

Anyway, like I said, I love adverts so much that I simply feel compelled to outline my adoration of a certain advert philosophy:

The key to obtaining individuality entails purchase of their product.

Normally, I’m a big one on simply not believing most of what adverts tell us, mainly because I’ve been deceived in the past. You know, McDonalds’ New Tastes menu doesn’t taste particularly new unless you’ve never had microwaved minced chicken/parrot/litter-from-the-carpark before. Diet Coke doesn’t make me more attractive, and god knows I’m not covered head to foot with women whenever I spray on some Lynx deodorant.

However, Olympus has taken my perceptions of advertisement integrity to a whole new low. Their latest offering shows a bunch of faceless people, wearing skin-tight white outfits (all alike, of course) walking through a dull, urbane environment. All of a sudden, some loud rock music starts playing (because that’s what individuals listen to), and a young, spiky haired lout wearing brash colours is seen strutting down the street, dancing away like some escaped lunatic.


Individuality is well and good, but sometimes you might end up being the first with your head cut off...

Of course, this advert is utter fiction, because he doesn’t get gang-tackled and kicked in the teeth. But please allow me to indulge in a bit of sarcasm.

I genuinely believe Olympus™ when they tell me that their M:robe™ MP3™ player™ endows me with the air of a true™ rebel™, and earmarks™ me as an individual™. Because I don’t know how many times I’ve wandered down the street and someone has pointed at me and yelled, “Conformist™ iPod™ scum™!™” (I love bleeding jokes dry™)

Which probably speaks volumes about the streets where I walk, rather than my choice of music player. But I digress.

I genuinely believe that Olympus wants me to be an individual. Individuals are individual because they are unique to the other individuals around them. If everyone bought one of these brilliant, chic and unique MP3 players, then… well… it wouldn’t be unique anymore. Those bums down the street would be yelling, “Conformist m:robe scum!”

Because I doubt that’s the kind of reputation Olympus wants… that their end user is a conformist pig.

In summary, if the product succeeds, then everyone would have one, and therefore they’re not individuals anymore… Olympus cares about you and your ego… so go buy an m:robe, as long as your friends aren’t buying one, though. Because if there’s one thing Olympus doesn’t want, it’s that you are labelled as a copycat try-hard.

Olympus may email me for my bank details so that the cash-for-comments transaction can be completed. Thank you.

Anyway, I’ve managed go through 12 paragraphs and have basically achieved nothing. Substitute “Paragraphs” with “Years” and that sentence also reads true.